


Come Back

by cheney1317



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-03-30 09:15:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3931351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheney1317/pseuds/cheney1317
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soldiers face danger every day. Will one day change their lives forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been MIA for a while so I thought I'd try this out

     “Alright troops, ready to jump?” there was a command shouted through the cabin of the jet. The troops gathered their gear and prepared for the jump and their ensuing mission. They hit the ground and readied their weapons, as orders were handed out.

 

     “We are to patrol the city and clear the area so ground troops can move in. There will be civilians so be aware.” the Major informed his leaders. “Harris, your platoon goes up the center, Daniels and Schrader will flank, and I’ll follow you in. Stay safe and move out."

 

Ashlyn Harris, a Captain in the US Army, serving her third tour, prepared her platoon. She wanted everything to go as planned. Then they were on their way, eyes sharp for anything out of the ordinary. 

 

     “You worry too much, you know.” 1st Lieutenant Tobin Heath said as she came up beside her captain. “Things are going to be fine and then we’ll be going home to our wives and getting promotions."

 

     “Whatever you say Heath.” Ashlyn jokingly shoved her friend, but she still couldn’t help the feeling in her gut. “I just hope you're right."

 

As the company made their way through the small village, things seemed normal. Children ran through the street and mothers hung clothes on lines. Harris even kicked a ball back to a young boy who lost it. She was relieved when they were nearly through, but it was short lived as all hell broke out. 

 

     “Bomb!” There was a shout followed by a loud explosion, debris flying all around. Shots rang out and the soldiers tried to take cover as they were attacked. Ashlyn went into gear, ordering her troops, reigning out bullets when she had to. As time passed there was more and more chaos. Ashlyn looked around and her eyes came to rest on the little boy with the ball, tears streaming down his face.

 

     “Harris, no!” Heath yelled, knowing what her friend was about to do, but it was too late. The 1st Lieutenant couldn’t follow because she had her own hostile to fight, explosions ringing all around her.

 

     “Hey little man, you’re going to be just fine.” Ashlyn looked into the boys eyes and they looked around for cover. She approached an old hut, holding the boy to her chest.

 

     “Harris get down!” she heard the warning and turned her back to shield the boy, paying she would make it back to her wife, as ringing filled her ears and darkness found her.

* * *

They had managed to get word out and send for a air strike. Within minutes the enemy had been subdued and the troops were left to pick up the pieces and tend to the injured. Many had minor battle wounds, and some had burns and shrapnel wounds. 

 

Tobin joined the efforts after carrying some men to safety. She helped lift some of the debris that had piled up. They managed to move a large pile of what looked to be a hut. She saw something that looked like an army uniform, but was burned black. As the 1st Lieutenant approached, she saw the patch with the name embroidered on the soldier’s pants. HARRIS. 

 

     “Medic! We need a medic over here now!” she yelled, running to the fallen soldier. She and another guy gently turned the body over, revealing a scared little clinging to the soldier’s chest. “Hey it’s alright, you’re okay. Can you go with this nice man right here?” once the boy moved, Tobin looked on in shock. Her friend was covered in blood and cuts. She checked for a pulse and was relieved to find a faint beat. 

 

The medics arrived and Tobin moved by her head so they could work. As they removed some of her gear, the Captain’s eyes shot open. “Hey there Captain, can you hear me?” a medic asked, but got no response. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t speak, she was in shock, her eyes searching all around until they stopped on her friend. “I need you to keep your eyes and on Heath. I’m sliding a neck brace on you now and we are going to be at the field hospital in nine minutes. You keep looking at Heath okay."

 

They got her on a back board and into a chopper. There they managed to get and iv in her arm and an oxygen mask on her face. The whole ride was a whirlwind of activity, but Ashlyn’s eyes stayed locked on Tobin’s, occasionally closing, but they’d wake her right back up. 

 

The chopper landed and they were met by a gurney and a medical team. Inside the make-shift hospital, the trauma doctor immediately took over. “Captain Harris, I’m Colonel Marks. We are going to fix you up okay. Can you squeeze my hand?” No response, no movement. The doctor turned to the nurse and spoke quietly. “Set up an x-ray and MRI, prep for a possible spinal injury."

 

The team continued to work, removing her jacket, revealing an array of burns and shrapnel wounds. Soon an alarm went off on a machine and they had to secure an airway. “Let’s get her to those scans and then probably to an OR."

 

Tobin tried to follow, but was quickly stopped by a nurse. “Oh no you don’t soldier. We need to get you checked out.” She looked down at her bloody hands and tried to deny, but the adrenaline had started to wear off and she was all of a sudden in a lot of pain. “Can I get another gurney over hear please."

 

A doctor came over and started looking Tobin over. Once they got her stuff off, they found three large shards of shrapnel embedded on the lieutenant’s neck, shoulder, and abdomen. She was stabilized and they took her to surgery to remove the foreign bodies. 

 

There was a steady beeping and oxygen filling her nostrils. When Tobin opened her eyes a woman was checking her wounds. “Lieutenant I am Major Gordon. I operated on you. After those three pieces a shrapnel I am amazed you were able to do everything you did out there."

 

     “I need to get out of here. I need to check on Har-“ she was quickly stopped by the doctor when she tried to get up. “Please."

 

     “I really need you to stay still so you don’t rip out your stitched.” the woman explained. “Captain Harris is in surgery. She had some internal bleeding they had to take care of. You two are on the next plane to Germany."

 

Tobin was temporarily relieved to hear her captain was okay for the time being. A few hours later several soldiers were being wheeled out to the jet that would take them to Germany. Tobin finally found Ashlyn and was placed near her. She could see a large, stitched gash down her forehead snd nose, and she was still in  neck brace and strapped down so she couldn’t move. What scared her most was that Ashlyn’s eyes were closed and there was a tube down her throat. 

 

The plane took off and Tobin fought to keep her eyes on her friend. Pain coursed through her veins and soon her eyes had closed. 

 

     “Hey there sleepy head.” Tobin was greeted by a new nurse and she found herself in a new place. “We are glad you are back with us. You’ve been out for over a day."

 

     “Where is Captain Harris? I need to see her?” that was all she cared about. 

 

     “I will take you to see her when your doctor checks you out and I’ll have her doctor come talk with you. Oh and your wives will be arriving tomorrow.” the nurse left to get the doctor. Tobin was told she’d taken sharps of shrapnel to various part of her body, and that she had a concussion so she had to be watched for blast injuries. Eventually Ashlyn’s doctor came in to tell her how the captain was doing. 

 

     “Captain Harris sustained several injuries, most notably a broken back. She has some second and third degree burns on her back and legs, as well as shrapnel in her back from the explosion. She has some broken ribs and we stopped the internal bleeding she had.” the doctor informed Tobin. “We have her on her front for another day so her back could be treated and we will flip her tomorrow. She is being kept in a coma for now because she will be in a lot of pained we need to keep her still."

 

     “What about her back? Will she ever be able to walk again?” Tobin asked

 

     “We don’t know the exact damage to the spinal cord. It doesn’t appear to be severed but we will have to wake her up tomorrow to see what her functioning is like.” he responded. “We have sent her scans to the best surgeons to get their opinions, so I can’t give you a sure answer yet. If you’re ready they will take you to see her for a little while. 

 

The Lieutenant help in a gasp when she saw her friend. Stabilized in the table, tube breathing for her and back exposed. They told Tobin she wasn’t allowed to touch her because she had to be still. Tobin stayed with her for hours, talking about whatever came to mind, but she never got a response. Eventually she started to doze off and a nurse wheeled her back to her room. 


	2. Chapter 2

_She watched as her friend ignored her warning and ran to the boy. She made it there and carried him to safety, but then she saw what was about to happen. Before she could yell, there was a bright flash of light and it was too late._

Tobin shot up in her bed, breathing hard and sweating. The sudden movement sent waves of pain through her. She lay back down in hopes of falling back to sleep, but she had no such luck. She managed to get herself into the wheelchair and had to use her feet to pull herself along because of her bad arm. She saw Ashlyn was now on her back and locked into an odd contraption to stabilize her. As she sat vigil over her captain, she finally found Tobin. 

 

A few hour later the hospital room became a bustle of activity. They were going to wake Ashlyn up today to see the state of her injuries. Tobin ignored the warnings to leave. She knew that if her wife weren’t here yet, Ashlyn would want Tobin with her. 

 

     “Captain Harris can you hear me? You might be in pain, but we need you to stay completely still.” The doctor repeated several times until they saw her eyes flutter open, staying still. Her eyes looked around frantically until they came to rest on the eyes that steadied her on the battlefield. “I am Dr. Frazier. You are in the hospital in Germany. You were injured and now there is a tube breathing for you. Can you blink once if you understand me?"

 

Ashlyn blinks immediately. 

 

     “Good. Do you know who this is beside me?” Blink. Tobin sighs in relief. “Do you remember what happened?” Blink. “That’s good to hear. Captain, you’ve suffered a broken back so you’re being stabilized in this equipment. We are going to do some tests with you to see the extent of the damage. Are you in any pain?"

 

There was no blink. She didn’t know how to respond because she felt some pain, but also didn’t. It was an overall discomfort. Ashlyn looked around with confusion in her eyes. She didn’t know what she felt and it scared her. The doctor saw her worry, “It’s okay. I’m just going to check some of your reflexes.” He moved to her legs and was worried to see no response to his pen. When he moved to her fingers, there was a slight twitch but not much. “Well there is some good to look at with your fingers and the fact that you necessarily feel nothing. We are going to keep you awake for now until we figure out the next steps."

 

     “Hey Cap, How you doing?” Tobin brushed a stray hair out of the captain’s face. “I gotta say you look like shit, but damn am I happy you are still here with us. Listen, Ali and Alex are going to be here in a few hours and you’re going to be okay.” 

 

They must have dosed off because Tobin’s eyes begin to open when she feels something soft on her cheek. When she looks around she sees that she is in the hallway. Then, crouched on the floor in front of her, she sees the most beautiful ocean blue eyes she has ever seen. “There’s my Lieutenant."

 

The soldier doesn’t respond. She throws herself into her wife’s waiting arms. Tobin buries her face into Alex’s chest, ignoring the pain, and letting a few tears fall. It had been eight months since they had seen each other, and the recent events had really rattled them all. Now all Tobin wanted was to be held in the strong arms of her love. 

 

     “Tobin, baby let’s get you back in the chair.” Alex spoke softly, grateful to have her back in her arms. They got Tobin seated and then their eyes met. 

 

     “Kiss me.” Tobin said. A;ex knelt down, placed her hand on the woman’s cheek and kissed her. It was a kiss of passion, reassurance, and love. When they broke apart, Tobin came to her senses. “Lex, where is Ali?"

 

     “She’s with the doctors and Ashlyn. What the hell happened out there, Tobin?” Tears were forming in her eyes at the thought of what their friends were going through. Both women turned when they saw Ali leave the room behind the doctors. “Ali,"

 

An extremely pregnant Ali made her way over, greeting each woman with a hug. “Ashlyn has been asleep since Tobin was with her this morning. I have to go sign some papers so they can try to realign her back. Thank you for being with her Tobin."

 

A few hours later the three women watched as Ashlyn’s eyes opened her eyes again. Ali was immediately by her side, tears in her eyes, “Ash, I’m right her. I love you some much baby. The doctors are going to use some weights to set your back, and it could hurt."

 

They got it all taken care of and Ali stayed with Ashlyn until she insisted that Ali go to the hotel to get some rest. Alex stayed with Tobin until the soldier fell asleep. Unfortunately the woman was unable to avoid the nightmares. 

 

     “Tobin wake up!” Alex shook her wife awake when she started to scream. Alex immediately noticed blood spots that meant Tobin must have ripped her stitches. “Baby you’re bleeding. I’m going to get a nurse."

 

After getting fixed up, Tobin convinced Alex to take her to Ashlyn’s room, claiming it was the only place she could safely rest. The next morning, Ali smiled at the two extra people in the room. “Hey I brought coffee."

 

     “Ali you look great.” Tobin said, noting she had just found out about the pregnancy when they left and now she looked like she was going to pop. “How are you feeling?"

 

     “I’m doing okay Tobin. Although I wish we were here under better circumstances.” Ali looked solemnly at her resting wife. As she gently touched Ashlyn’s seek, her eyes began to open. “Ashlyn I’m here."

 

Dr. Frazier came in to check on Ashlyn and was happy to see that her fingers were still moving some. He then explained what the next steps would be. “As you all know Captain Harris is lucky to be with us after all that she has suffered. Right now there is no guarantee you will walk again. That being said, there is a surgeon in Seattle who thinks that as your back heals, the spinal cord could regain it’s normal function because there doesn’t appear to be extreme nerve damage. He says the paralysis could be a result of the broken bones pinching the nerves. As you heal you may start to get feeling back and he would like to evaluate you when the time is right."

 

     “What do we do until then?” Ali asked. She wasn’t sure her wife would ever feel normal again if she stayed like this. 

 

     “For now, we will fit Captain Harris with a neck and back brace that she’ll wear for the next few months, as the vertebrae heal. You’ll have to be seen at least once a week while your other injuries heal. We will move the ventilator to her neck so she has the ability to communicate.” Dr. Frazier knew this was going to be a big adjustment. “You ladies need to be prepared for what’s to come. It will be a major change. I have been in contact with Walter Reed Hospital and they are expecting you tomorrow."

 

In the next twenty-four hours Ashlyn was put in extensive braces and had the ventilator put in her neck. Alex was the only one who would deb able to lift her so she learned how she would have to care for the soldier. Then all of them learned how to do the little stuff to give her basic care. With Ashlyn in a heavy-duty wheelchair, they’re ready to board the plane that would take them home. While the other women slept, Ashlyn looked out the window wondering what her life would be like from now on and how she got here. 

 

When they arrived back in D.C. they went straight to the hospital so doctors could evaluate both soldiers. Ali was worried on so many levels. In the few days they had been together Ashlyn was visibly depressed and had barley spoken a word, and Ali knew it would only get worse. Ali was also worried about how she was going to care for her. Their home wasn’t equipped and with the pregnancy she wouldn’t be much help. When they got to the hospital she spoke with some of the staff and knew what she had to do. 

 

     “Ash I need to talk to you for minute.” Ali stopped pushing her wheelchair and knelt down once they left the doctor’s office. Ali had to fight off a wave of emotion to say what was going to happen. “Ashlyn I spoke to the staff and there is a room ready for you here."

 

     “What?” the captain croaked out. She was beyond confused. 

 

     “I can’t take care of you at the house. I’m pregnant and you won’t get the care you need there.” Tears started to come to the corners of her eyes. 

 

     “You’re leaving me?” Now she had to fight to keep her emotions at bay. “Ali please, I promise I’ll try to be better."

 

     “No Ash, baby, I could never leave you.” She took her hand. “Listen you are going to stay here for a little while and get some help and I am going to make our home more suitable for you. I will come back single every day to be with you. And then you are going to come back home with me and I swear, no matter what happens we are going to be a family."

 

Both women had tears rolling down their cheeks. Ali used the hand not holding Ashlyn’s to wipe the tears from her wife’s eyes. Meanwhile, Ashlyn used all the strength she had to move her fingers just a fraction of an inch for Ali. It was all she could so to hold her love. 

 

Ali took Ashlyn’s face in both her hands and the two shared a loving kiss. “I love you Alex."

 

     “I love you so much Captain Harris and I am so grateful to have you back in my arms.” They shared another kiss before heading to Ashlyn’s temporary home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was okay. Let me know what you think


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this

It had been almost a week since Ashlyn was admitted to Walter Reed. She hadn’t left her bed yet, as her back wounds needed to heal before she could sit in a chair for a long time. True to her word, Ali was there with her every day. She didn’t talk much aside from when Ali was there and even then she felt like she was pulling teeth just to get a word from her wife. Ashlyn was having trouble submitting to the fact that she was completely dependent. Someone had to move her, feed her, dress her, change her, bathe her, and everything else. The only bright spot was that she had more control of her fingers. 

 

     “So the equipment company says the house will be ready next week. Isn’t that great.” Ali was excited to get Ashlyn home, but her demeanor fell when she just got a hum in response. “Alex and Tobin are going to stay for a while too.” 

 

     “Sounds good.” Ashlyn’s depression was becoming more and more visible, but Ali knew it wasn’t her fault. 

 

     “Ash I think I am going to go home. I wanted to see them get you into your new wheelchair, but I’m not feeling great.” She kissed her wife and turned to go. “Alex will be by later when she brings Tobin for surgery."

 

* * *

     

     “Lex can you help me?” Tobin was trying to get her shirt off to put the hospital gown on, but the sling on her bad arm posed a problem. 

 

Alex helped her wife out of her clothes and into the gown, kissing each of her wounds. “What would you do without me?"

 

     “I’d be lost.” the soldier spoke sincerely and used her good arm to pull Alex into her and planted a kiss on her lips. She got into the hospital bed and they waited for the surgeon. 

 

     “Listen I know its just shoulder surgery, but I swear if you try anything crazy in there I’ll kill you.” Alex tried to lighten the mood and ignore the dark bags under Tobin’s eyes. She knew Tobin hadn’t been sleeping much since her return and Alex just wanted the physical and emotional pain to end. 

 

     “I wouldn’t dare.” They shared another kiss as the doctor came in to take her. “Tell Ashlyn I said hi."

 

* * *

 

     “Alright Captain, it’s time to you up and into this new high tech chair I have for you.” A well built, female therapist said as she entered the room. The soldier paid her no attention and continued staring at the corner of the room. The woman just pulled the sheet off Ashlyn and started sitting her up. “Come in let’s at least get those arms and legs moving."

 

The therapist, Rachel, moved Ashlyn’s arms and legs in exercises so Ashlyn’s muscle would stay mobile. After a few minutes of work Rachel got Ashlyn into the chair and all strapped in, getting the tubes and wires situated. “See that wasn’t so bad was it."

 

     “I don’t know Ash, you’re looking pretty snazzy in that piece of machinery.” They heard a raspy voice come from the doorway. The therapist excused herself for a few minutes so they could have a moment. “How are you doing?” 

 

     “Fine.” The soldier avoided, but she couldn’t escape the eyes of her friend. “I’ve been better. How’s Tobin?"

 

     “Still in surgery, but she says she will be here with you doing rehab until we get you guys home next week.” She tried to point out a positive. Ash gave a slight smile. “You know you should try to do that more often. Ali misses that smile."

 

     “I’m sorry.” It was all Ashlyn could say. She knew she should show some sigh of good faith though. “Alex can I ask you to do something for me?"

 

     “Anything.” she immediately responded.

 

     “This damn thing on my face is starting to heal and it itches like hell.” Ashlyn was referring to the gash that went from her forehead, down the bridge of her nose, and under her eye. Alex smiled and gently rubbed around the wound so she wouldn’t open it and avoid any more scarring than would already happen. It brought Ashlyn the relief she needed. “Thank you."

 

     “Alright Harris you ready to do this.” Their moment was interrupted when the therapist came back into the room. Alex stood back and watched as Ashlyn learned how to operate the new wheelchair. There was even a slight smile when she finally got it. “There you go!"

 

After a little while, Alex convinced the to let her take Ashlyn to the cafeteria for some ice cream to celebrate. She let Ashlyn steer herself to a table while she grabbed the sweats. When she returned to the table she sat close to help Ashlyn. The soldier didn’t want to, but she reluctantly took a bite off the spoon Alex offered her. “How are you really doing Ash?"

 

     “I wish I knew how to answer that question.” She looked off into the distance. A moment later she cleared her throat. “Anyway, I really don’t want to talk about it. How is Tobin doing?"

 

     “You know that’s a good question.” Alex scoffed, Recalling her week and a half with her wife. “She’s different Ash. I don’t know how to explain it but she is. She’s harder, more distant, and she won’t accept my help.” 

 

     “It’s hard to be home and accept help when you’re so used to the conditions we faced.” Ashlyn said rather coldly. “She’ll come around"

 

     “She better come around soon.” Alex said, but couldn’t  continue because her phone interrupted her. A smile came to her face as she looked up at her friend. “Um that was Ali.  She is on her way in. Are you ready to be a mother?"

 

* * *

 

     “Look who is finally up.” The Captain said when she saw her Lieutenant’s eyes start to open. 

 

     “What are you doing in here?” Tobin started to sit up when she felt more awake. “Where is Alex?"

 

     “Ali’s in labor. They brought her in a few hours ago and I asked her to be there for her.” Tobin gave a questioning look. “Look I can’t really be there and she needs more than me with her now."

 

     “Nurse!” Tobin called out, and a woman came running in. “My friend here is going to be a mom pretty soon so I need you to get me in a wheelchair and take us to her wife."

 

* * *

 

     “Alex, I wish Ashlyn was here.” Ali squeezed the woman’s hand as she fought another contraction. “I think the baby is coming."

 

     “It’s going to be okay Ali.” Alex tried to console her friend. She saw the doctor’s signal and knew it was time. “Ali it’s time. One last big push."

 

     “There you go Al, you did it.” Alex was so happy. When she looked over at the door she smiled at who was there. She kissed her friend’s sweaty forehead and got her to look. “Hey look whose here."

 

Ashlyn rolled over beside her bed and took in her exhausted wife. At that moment nothing she was struggling with mattered. “Alex I need you to unstrap my hand and give it to Ali.” 

 

     “Hey baby.” Ali kissed Ashlyn’s hand, grateful to have her there. “Look what we did."

 

     “Here we go, a healthy baby boy.” A nurse said as she handed the baby to Ali. “Good job mom.” 

 

Ashlyn watched in awe as Ali held their son in her arms. She could already tell that Ali was going to be an amazing mother. Tears came to her eyes at the thought, but also at the thought of how distant she felt. The other mother could see the sadness in her wife’s face. “Alex can you please take this baby from me and give his mom a chance to hold him."

 

     “Ali no.” Ashlyn said right away. She didn’t want to risk hurting the baby because of her condition. Alex ignored the soldier and put the newborn in Ashlyn’s arms and wrapped them tightly around him and held them there. Ashlyn was able to caress her son’s cheek with her thumb and she had to fight to control her emotions as she did it. 

 

     “There you go baby, you’re doing it.” Ali said proudly. She too had to quell her own emotions at the sight. “What do you think of Ryan James Harris?"

 

     “I love it.” Ashlyn had a huge smile on her face. I love him and I love you.” 

 

     “I hate to break up the party but Captain Harris we need to get you back to your room.” Rachel had come in to wheel her back. “And you all need your rest too."

 

Alex took baby Ryan from Ashlyn and and they all said goodbyes. Rachel put Ashlyn’s arms back on the arm rests and took her back to her room. Once she was lifted back into her bed the weight of everything started to hit her. 

 

     “You okay?” the therapist asked. She got a slight head nod, but could see the lie. She knew when to push and when not to, and right now she knew not to. Her patient was fragile and to much right now could break her. “Alright well let’s get you cleaned up and change those bandages so you can get some sleep.” 

 


	4. Chapter 4

“Come on Harris give me one more good one.” Ashlyn was lying on a therapy table and Rachel was in her face trying to get her to lift her hands one more time. She and Tobin were in their second session of the day and would be going home soon. They went to two sessions a day, followed by group therapy and a one on one with a psychiatrist twice a week. Both women were generally quiet and ignored the questions they were asked. 

 

     “Are they moving anymore?” The captain had been working tirelessly just to move her whole hand. She hated that that was her biggest goal right now. Even so, she couldn’t even get her right hand to move as much as her left and she felt useless. “Dammit!"

 

     “Don’t worry about it. You have already gained some movement in your hands in the three weeks you’ve been here.” Rachel knew solders had a tendency to miss the positives so she had to continuously point them out. “You are making good progress for someone in your situation. You get to go home tomorrow and then we can really focus on getting you back."

 

Ashlyn got put back in her chair and went to her other sessions, never engaging in conversation. She was angry and she couldn’t shake it. She hoped the change in scenery would do her some good.

 

     “Welcome home baby.” Ali led Ashlyn into their home. The place looked completely different than it had none months ago because of all the changes that had been made for Ashlyn. After a tour of the main floor, Alex and Tobin went to their area upstairs and left the other couple. “I’m happy you’re home.” 

 

     “Me too Al.” Ashlyn replied, trying to sound happy. Ali put er hand in Ashlyn’s, receiving a smile in return. 

 

The rest of the day was a bot awkward, but mainly quiet. Ali tended to Ryan most of the afternoon and Alex and Tobin stayed cuddled on the couch. Ashlyn kept to herself, only interacting occasionally. As night came, Ashlyn saw more big adjustments. 

 

     “I thought you could sleep in here. Ryan doesn’t get through the night so you would probably be more comfortable here.” Ashlyn stared at the hospital bed in her office as Ali told her Ryan slept in their room. Unless you want tone in our room. I just want you to be comfortable."

 

     “Here is fine.” The soldier spoke coldly. Having just had the baby, Ali had to ask Alex to get Ashlyn into the bed. It was bad enough that she couldn’t move but when they tried to change her clothes, Ashlyn refused. “No don’t, I’m fine. Good night.” 

 

The women left Ashlyn for the night. The soldier just stared at the ceiling for hours until a restless sleep found her. 

 

A few hours later, Tobin sleeplessly wondered into her leader’s office. She sees that Ashlyn is sweating and trying to move, and she immediately recognizes what’s happening. She quickly wakes her friend. “Ashlyn wake up, you are having a nightmare."

 

     “Thanks man. Damn I was only out for an hour.” Ashlyn says after seeing what time it was. “You can’t sleep either?"

 

     “Nah, I don’t sleep much anymore. It’s worse to see what I see when my eyes are closed then just to keep them open.” Tobin explains, playing with the sheet on the bed. 

 

     “Well I would offer to move over and let you lay with me but I think broken back trumps busted arm.” Ashlyn tries to lighten the mood. “But seriously grab my chair and bring it over here."

 

Tobin does just that, moving Ashlyn’s wheelchair right beside the bed. She grabs her hand and lets Ashlyn’s fingers mover over her knuckles. “I’m scared Ash."

 

     “Me too.” Ashlyn agreed quietly. 

 

     “I’m scared that I am pushing Lex away, but I just can’t get in this place.” Tobin confessed. Ashlyn was seeing some of Alex’s worries connecting. “And what about you. You’re a hero and yet, you can’t move. What if you never get better."

 

     “I aint no fucking hero, Tob.” Ashlyn deflected, then she gripped her friend’s hand as hard as she could. “You saved my life, you are the hero. I swear to God I am going to get out of the bed if it’s the last thing I do. I’ll be lost if I don’t."

 

The two women sat in silence with each other for hours. they didn’t need words, they just needed the comfort of friendship. Eventually sleep found them and their hands stayed connected. 

 

The next day the soldiers don’t do anything and won’t cooperate with their wives. Alex and Ali don’t understand and are getting angry. When Ashlyn’s physical therapist arrives they hope she will be able to get them to cooperate. When she goes into the office, Rachel sees Ashlyn in her hospital clothes from days ago and Tobin sitting in the wheelchair. “I hear you two are having a hard time getting moving today."

 

     “Um, I am going to go upstairs and shower.” Tobin excused herself. “I’ll see you guys later."

 

     “You want to talk?” Rachel asks, but knows Ashlyn doesn’t want to. “Can we get you a shower so you feel better."

 

     “I guess.” The blond shrugs. “I’d rather do it you then them.” 

 

Rachel gets Ashlyn into the wheelchair and into the bathroom. She gets the shirt and pants off Ashlyn and then gets her arms around her neck to lift her. From the look in Ashlyn’s eyes Rachel can see Ashlyn’s discomfort. “Do you trust me?” Ashlyn nods and Rachel gets her in the shower. The next half hour consists of the therapist bathing her patient. Ashlyn welcomes the clean feeling. 

 

     “Does it ever change?” Ashlyn asked quietly as Rachel put the braces back on. When she didn’t respond Ashlyn continued. “This feeling, will it ever get better?"

 

     “Ashlyn you’ve only been back for a month. In another month or two we’ll see how your scans look and get you to that doctor in Seattle.” Rachel explained. “You just have to keep working and have hope until then."

 

     “I can’t have her see me like this. Ali, I mean.” Ashlyn admitted in embarrassment. She was feeling like a burden to her wife. “She just had a baby and now she basically has a second child because of me. I mean she is going to have to sit there and feed me like a child, dress me and bath me like a child. I don’t want that."

 

     “I know you don’t want that but it is important for you to eat, Harris. Would you mind if I help you for today?” The captain gave a nod and she left to get some yogurt. It took a little while but Ashlyn finally accepted spoonfuls of the yogurt. “I’m going to let you in on a secret."

 

     “Uh okay.” Ashlyn responded quizzically. 

 

     “If you don’t want to deal with the feeding issue, you can do drinks. You can have Ali make you a smoothie or shake and put the supplements you need in it. Then you just have to sip it through a straw.” Ashlyn smiled at the brilliant idea. “Being a therapist for injured soldiers you learn a few tricks. “I’ll let Ali know when I leave."

 

After their talk, Rachel spent an hour doing rehab exercises with the soldier to work her hands. Before she left, the therapist told Ashlyn she would be okay and that she would be back tomorrow. She was also sure to tell Ali about the the smoothies and Ali was thankful for the suggestion to get Ash to eat. She hoped it would help them move forward. 

 

* * *

A week had passed and some things did seem to be better. Ashlyn was getting more cooperative with things she needed help with, though she was still most comfortable when Rachel would come for therapy. That was still the only time Ashlyn would let someone bathe her. Both her and Tobin were still struggling when it came to sleep, but they were trying. 

 

          “Good night babe.” Alex said as she got into bed beside Tobin. She leaned over to kiss her, “Love you.” 

 

     “Love you too Lex.” And she returned the kiss. She had been trying to show more affection to her wife, but at night she would just lay next to Alex and stare at the ceiling until she couldn’t anymore. “Sleep tight."

 

_She was back there, back in that awful place. Surrounded by exploding light and loud gunfire. Every way she turned she couldn’t escape it. The enemy was all around her. Then she saw her captain, her friend. She ran into the fire fight and then she was safe. But then…then there was fire all around her. She couldn’t reach her friend as she was engulfed in flames. Tobin had to fight. She had to fight for her life and for her family. But now she couldn’t find her, she was lost._

A loud noise woke Alex from her sleep. She saw that the bed was empty and she went downstairs to investigate. Her eyes widened when she saw what was going on. The kitchen was being torn apart as Tobin frantically paced around the room. The microwave was on and the stove was, the room was filled with noise. It was obvious that Tobin wasn’t present in the moment. 

 

Ali came running into the room, stopping beside a shocked Alex. Neither of them knew what to do. “Tobin stop! What are you doing.” They got no response and the Lieutenant continued her destruction. Alex tried to step in, but Tobin pushed her away and swatted at her. “Alex go get Ashlyn!"

 

Ashlyn was finally asleep for once, but she woke up when she felt trembling hands on her cheeks. She heard Alex calling for her. “Alex what’s wrong?"

 

     “It’s Tobin. We need you.” Alex lifted her into the chair. “Something is wrong with her."

 

Ashlyn saw the damage and how possessed her friend looked. She knew she was trapped in a nightmare. She just hoped she was strong enough to stop it. “Tobin what is going on?!"

 

Ashlyn tried to sound strong, but she got no response. She knew she had to be a leader to her soldier. “Lieutenant Heath, stop! Your captain is giving you an order."

 

All three women jumped at Ashlyn’s commanding voice. Tobin stopped fighting but still wasn’t fully awake. “You were there and then you were gone. It was so hot and there was so much noise and I couldn’t get to you."

 

     “Tobin, I’m right here. I’m okay.” Tobin walked toward the captain and touched her cheek with her good hand while the bad arm hung limply by her side. “See I’m here, I’m real."

 

Tobin leaned forward and put her forehead against Ashlyn’s, then took her hand as tears began to fall. She couldn’t contain the sobs that wracked her body. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t find you, I couldn’t get to you fast enough. I’m sorry this happened to you, Ash."

 

     “No you don’t say that.” Ashlyn spoke softly. By now no one in the room could hold in their emotions. “You fought like hell out there, and you did find me. You saved me Tobin. You were my strength out there and I am alive because of you. You’re my hero. Now we are home and we need to try and come back."

 


	5. Chapter 5

 “How are you doing today?” Ashlyn was sitting across from her friend as she fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. It had been two weeks since Tobin’s episode and they had admitted her to a care facility for soldiers who struggled with transitioning home, but she still looked pretty bad. “Tobin,"

 

     “How’s Alex?” Tobin didn’t want to talk about how she was doing. She asked Ashlyn how Alex was every day. In the two weeks she had been in the facility, Alex had yet  to come and see her wife. Tobin had seen the fear in Alex’s eyes when she came to so the soldier understood her absence. “How is she Ashlyn?"

 

     “She’s scared and confused, but she misses you, Tobin.” Ashlyn omitted the fact that Alex brought her today and was sitting in the lobby. “You have to get yourself better, Alex needs you to get better.” 

 

     “I know.” Tobin replied dejectedly. She knew she still had a lot of work to do, but she really did just want to go home. “They said I might be able to go home soon, in a few weeks. They have my meds figured out and I’m talking to a therapist every day.” 

 

     “That’s really great Tobin.” Ashlyn was happy to hear that she was doing better. “I am really proud of you.” 

 

     “When can I see her?” Tobin was dying to see her wife. She just needed that breath of fresh air to get through everything. Tobin was up and pacing now. “I need to see her Ash."

 

     “You need to calm down or else they’ll make me leave again.” Ashlyn pleaded, knowing how much Tobin could freak out. “Alex just needs more time.” 

 

Tobin had had enough for the day. She slid down the wall and crouched into a ball, starring at the opposite wall. Ashlyn knew their conversation was over. She told her friend bye and left the room. She met up with Alex and they started to leave. “How was she?"

 

     “She’s doing okay. The doctor has her on medications and says she might be good to come home in a few weeks.” Ashlyn explained then she stopped her chair. “She needs to see you Alex. She asks about you every day. She misses you."

 

     “I miss her too.” Alex said quietly and they drove home. Alex had a lot on her mind with her family. She excused herself to try and work some of it out. 

 

     “Ali I need you to know that I love you.” Ashlyn was seeing first hand how much their friends were struggling. She knew things had been hard for her too, but she wanted Ali to know that she was going to try. “I know I haven’t been great to you since I got back, and I can’t say things will always be great moving forward, but I want to try and I want the love of my life to be right beside me while I do."

 

     “Ashlyn Harris, I love you so much.” Ashlyn’s words brought tears to Ali’s eyes. She kissed her wife passionately. When her fingers felt the rough scar on her face, Ali tenderly kissed her again. “I will always be wife you.” 

 

They spent the rest of the day together. It was the most enjoyable day Ashlyn had in a long time. She knew this was a good step for them moving forward. That night Ali got Ashlyn into her bed and was about to go, but Ashlyn needed something. “Ali in the top drawer of my desk is a box, can you bring it over here?"

 

Ali grabbed the box and brought it over. She opened it and saw that it was Ashlyn’s wedding bad. “Can you put it back where it belongs?” Ashlyn wiggled her fingers and Ali slid it onto her ring finger. “Stay with me."

 

     “Babe you only have two more weeks until you get new scans. I don’t want to jeopardize your back healing.” Ali saw the sadness in Ashlyn’s eyes. She push the small futon over beside the bed. “But I’ll stay right here with you and hold your hand all night."

 

* * *

 

     “Alex why do you have three cups of coffee?” Ashlyn asked when Alex got back in the car with Starbucks. Alex poured one cup of coffee into Ashlyn’s straw cup that fit into her chair and then began to drive. “Alex what’s on your mind?"

 

     “I’m going to go in today I think.” She said nervously. She had done a lot of thinking and knew she needed to do it. “I thought I would bring her some tea."

 

When they got to the facility, Alex asks Ashlyn to to go in with her. A nurse takes them to a visiting room and they see Tobin blankly sitting in a chair, playing with a string. When she lifts her eyes her jaw drops at the woman she sees. Alex sits down on the opposite side of the table and slides the cup across. They could all feel the scared tension in the room. “I thought you’d like some tea."

 

Tobin sipped the liquid and welcomed the warmth it brought, though she couldn’t bring her eyes up from her lap. “Thank you Alex."

 

     “How have you been Tobin?” Alex asked awkwardly. They could all tell this was going to be a short visit. “You’re not in the sling anymore.” 

 

     “Um, I’m okay. My doctor says my shoulder is healing well.” Tobin just longed for her wife. “My therapist says O might be able to leave soon. I actually have to go see her soon.”

 

     “That’s good Tobin.” Alex sat forward a bit and their hands were both on the table. Tobin wanted to reach out and hold them, but knew it would be overstepping, and she didn’t want to scare Alex anymore than she already had. “Well we should probably let you get to your appointment."

 

     “I miss you Lex.” Tobin admitted as Ashlyn left the room and Alex followed her. She stopped and looked at Tobin’s small, withdrawn form. 

 

     “It was good to see you Tobin.” And Alex closed the door behind her. She immediately put her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. She ignored Ashlyn asking if she was okay. Alex turned around and opened the door. 

 

     “Tobin,” Alex wrapped her arms around her wife. She needed her touch so badly. Tears come pouring from her eyes when she felt Tobin gently embrace her. “Tobin I need you to get better, do you hear me."

 

     “Alex,” Tobin didn’t know what to say. She was trying to read Alex, but was having a hard time. 

 

     “Listen to me. You have to get better, and I’ll be waiting on there other side of that door when you do.” Alex assured her. She took Tobin’s hands and put them on her waist. She looked Tobin right in the eyes to make her understand. “You have to get better, for us. For our family."

 

* * *

 

     “When did you find out?” Ashlyn asked when they got in the car. 

 

     “I found out the day before we got the call about the attack.” Alex responded. It had been a long month and a half since then. “I’m only eight weeks, but Tobin needed to know so she had a reason to get out of there."

 

They got home and Alex went to lay down. It felt good to finally tell someone, but she had wanted to wait until she was in the clear through the first trimester.

 

After another week, Tobin’s doctor called that she was going to be released next week. After the call, Alex was noticeably more nervous. She spent the next few days running around the house getting things ready. She fought through her discomfort because when she stopped the anxiety came. 

 

     “Alex you don’t look so good. Are you alright?” Ali noticed that the other woman was pale and clammy. She’d been running herself into the ground lately. “You need to slow down, take a breath."

 

     “I’m going to the doctor right now so not to worry.” Alex said. “I have to head out so I’ll see you guys later."

 

* * *

 

     “Alex we’re back. Tobin is downstairs waiting for you.” Ali tried to wake up the resting woman. She spent the last two days in bed, not feeling well. Ali saw Alex’s puffy eyes and wondered what was wrong. “Alex are you okay?"

 

     “I can’t go down there. I can’t face Tobin.” Alex wanted to cry. Ali put a comforting hand on her back. “Ali I lost it. I lost the baby.” 

 

Ali sat there in shock, holding a crying Alex. She knew what it felt like to lose a child and this was the worst time for it to happen. After a little while the tears stopped and they went downstairs. They saw Tobin sitting on the couch with Ryan in her arms, smiling when she saw Alex. Unfortunately it was like a punch in the gut for Alex, and she ran away, locking herself in the bathroom. 

 

     “Go to her Tobin.” Ali took Ryan so she could. “Alex really needs you right now, whether she knows it or not."

 

     “What’s up Al?” Ashlyn was thoroughly confused, but could see something wasn’t right. 

 

     “Alex lost the baby Ash.” She answered sadly. She was glad she was holding their son at the moment. “She’s completely devastated."

 

     “Lex it’s me.” Tobin knocked on the door, but got no response. “Alex can you please talk to me? Let me in, please."

 

     “I don’t want you to see me like this Tobin.” She tried to sound strong. 

 

     “Just tell me what’s wrong baby.” Tobin pleaded. 

 

     “I lost the baby.” Alex’s voice cracked and her resolve was gone. She slid down the closed door and let her tears fall. “I’m so sorry Tobin."

 

     “Alex you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, you hear me.” Tobin was trying to keep it together. She slid her fingers under the door hoping for a connection. “I’m the one who should be sorry Alex."

 

Alex saw her wife’s fingers and gently brushed over them. They stayed that way for little while, before it wasn’t enough for Alex. Tobin heard the door unlock and opened it slightly. She went in and found Alex in a heap on the floor, and it broke her heart. The soldier picked up her wife and carried her into their room. “I’m so sorry I dod this to you Alex.” 

 

Alex pulled Tobin into her. She just needed to be held in strong arms. They stayed in their bed together, holding one another as their walls came down, as they mourned the loss of their child. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for the people who have really inspired me to keep going! I hope it's okay

     “Ashlyn this is awesome, I can’t believe it!” She whispered in hushed excitement. “You have to tell them."

 

     “No, stop. No one can know about this right now.” The woman snapped. “Not right now. We are about to leave for Seattle. If things go well, I’ll tell them, but I’m not going through with anything until I know what’s going to happen from here. Can you please put the letter in my desk drawer?"

 

Rachel put the letter from the Army into the desk drawer, hoping the soldier would change her mind. It was a big deal and she deserved the recognition, but the therapist understood her hesitation. “Well let’s get you cleaned up so you can catch your flight. Your back is looking good too, pretty much just scarring now."

 

Two hours later Ali, Ashlyn, and Ryan arrived, along with Tobin and Alex. They were happy to come to help out their friends. In the month since the loss of the baby they had grown closer and were starting to move in the right direction. They had taken more to Ryan and they insisted on holding him during the flight. 

 

Ali and Ashlyn were cuddle beside each other. With Ashlyn’s progress she was now able to move her arm to her elbow so she could grab Ali’s hand. Ali loved seeing Ash’s progress and it made her hopeful. “I brought something for you to do."

 

Ali pulled out a box of crayons and a coloring box from her bag and out it in front of Ashlyn. She had been working on holding a pen and grip strength and muscle control in her wrist. Coloring turned out to be a good way to practice those skills. Ashlyn hated how childish it made her feel, but she heard Ali whisper in her ear, “Draw me a picture babe.” Ali kissed her cheek and she watched her wife intensely focused on coloring within the lines on the page. 

 

The second leg of their journey was much quieter as Ashlyn and Ryan fell asleep, so Ali read while Alex and Tobin chatted quietly. When they arrived in Seattle, Tobin got the still sleeping Ashlyn into her chair, they got the luggage, and met up with a young Army officer that would be escorting them to the hospital. 

 

     “Ashlyn, baby wake up.” Ali gently rubbed her wife’s cheek. “Hey, there you are. Come on we are at the hospital."

 

They all went inside and took in the world class environment. Ali went to the information desk and asked where to go. A few minutes later they were sitting in the lobby waiting for someone to meet them. “Hi I’m Dr. Hunt, chief of surgery, and this is Dr. Shepard, our head or neurology. We are very happy to have you here Capt-"

 

     “Ashlyn Harris.” She cut them off and held out her hand as much as she could to shake. Both men shook and she introduced them to her family. “This is my wife Ali and our friends Alex and Lieutenant Tobin Heath, and that is our two month old son Ryan. It’s nice to meet both of you.” 

 

They took the group to Ashlyn’s room and asked her to get changed into a gown so they could do some testing. The women all knew the drill so Ali took Ryan and left the room so she could fill out some paperwork and Alex followed so Tobin could get Ashlyn changed. 

 

Dr. Hunt brought the papers to Ali and she could see the question in his look. “She doesn’t let me do that kind of stuff for her. She’s stubborn and doesn’t want to seem like a burden. Tobin and Alex are the only two who have seen her like that aside from her physical therapist, who has been a blessing. Sorry I’m rambling."

 

     “Don’t apologize.” Dr. Hunt said. “Hopefully we can change things for her soon."

 

The doctors took Ashlyn to get scans while the women waited in her room. Ashlyn was quiet the whole time, hoping the scans would be good. While Shepard looked at the results, Hunt got Ashlyn back into the wheelchair and she finally spoke up. “Give Ali some good news today. She deserves to hear something good."

 

     “We hope to Captain.” They took her back to her room and the neurosurgeon did some tests on her arms and legs, and what she was feeling. 

 

     “So from what I can tell your spinal cord has not been severed. When you broke your back the vertebrae basically pinched the cord, giving the effect of paralysis.” Dr. Shepard explained, but everyone still looked confused. “With the reset and bracing of your spine you’ve gained some feeling back, but obviously it’s not all back. We are hoping you regain full movement, but I’m not sure this is the way to go."

 

     “What are you saying, I’ll never be able to move on my own again?” Ashlyn couldn’t be hearing this. “Please don’t tell me that’s what you mean."

 

     “What I’m saying is that I don’t think what we are currently doing is the best way to proceed. I think there is a better way that could yield more positive results.” Hopeful eyes encouraged him to continue. “I could do a procedure where I would go in and decompress the remaining area, releasing your spinal cord. If I need to I can use a brace to keep the vertebrae aligned. Then I will stimulate the spinal cord to basically try and wake those nerves up."

 

     “Dr. Shepard, no offense but you make it sound so simple when you put it that way.” Ali was trying to be realistic. “What are the risks you aren’t telling us?"

 

     “There is always a chance for complete paralysis or even death if the spina cord is damaged.” He paused to let it sink in. “And is we are successful, it could still be a very painful recovery as your nerves fire to regenerate. There are no guarantees."

 

     “I want to do it.” Ashlyn spoke immediately, without a second thought. 

 

     “Captain Harris you have to think about the things we told you for a little while.” Dr. Hunt could see Ali’s fear in her wife’s response. He wanted to make sure the soldier thought about everyone in the equation. “We will give you all some time to think.” 

 

     “Do either of you have children?” Ashlyn asked quietly. Shepard told her he had two kids. “When you go home to them, do you get to hold them? What would you do if you couldn’t hold your child? I have never gotten to hold my son on my own, and I will do whatever it takes to have that opportunity. I want the surgery."

 

The room was quiet when the doctors left. Ali was scared and angry at her wife for not considering what she felt, and Alex and Tobin didn’t want to say anything. Ali excused herself from the room and Alex filled with Ryan on her hip. 

 

     “What was that about?” Ashlyn wondered. 

 

     “She’s scared Ashlyn.” Tobin spoke sternly. She knew she had to speak up for her friend. “She is scared and you dismissed her, you didn’t even talk to her about the options."

 

     “I’m the one who can’t walk. I’m the one who can’t to anything for myself. I’m the fucking child.” The captain was yelling now. “You three get to sit there and have normal lives. You get to hold my son."

 

     “You think our lives are normal? You think we haven’t suffered great loss and change? Well screw you.” Now it was Tobin’s turn to raise her voice. She knew she needed to leave before things got out of hand. “I’m going to go get Alex and take Ryan to the hotel for the night.” 

 

The lieutenant left without another word and Ashlyn knew she had really messed up, not just with her friend but also with her wife. She was quick to speak and now wondered what Ali would have said about it. Now she was left to wait until Ali came back. As time passed and darkness came all she wanted was Ali and she stared at the door, hoping for her return. 

 

     “You doing okay?” Dr. Hunt found his patient’s wife sitting on a bench outside the hospital. “She’ll come around."

 

`”You don’t know her.” Ali spoke softly. “She doesn’t always see things the way I see them. She is a stubborn soldier."

 

     “It usually takes us a little longer to see some things.” He sees that Ali registers the way he says it with curiosity in her eyes. “Major Owen Hunt, US Army trauma surgeon. Trust me, she’ll make it back just giver her some time."

 

     “Thank you Dr. Hunt.” Ali knew it was getting late and she felt a knew sense of hope. She went back to her wife’s room and she looked to be asleep. Ali sat in the recliner in the corner of the room. After a few minutes Ashlyn made it known that she wasn’t asleep. 

 

     “Alex,” Truthfully she didn’t really know how to start. “I’m sorry Alex. I’m sorry I didn’t take the time to listen to your opinion. We are a family and I shouldn’t have rushed to a decision without taking into account what my family thought."

 

     “I’m scared Ashlyn.” Ali fought to hold in her tears as thoughts rushed through her mind. “I don’t want to lose you if we try surgery and I don’t want you to be in pain. I want you to be able to live a normal life, but I can’t lose you. But if we don’t do it, I’m worried that you’ll never really come back to me."

 

     “Come over here babe.” Ashlyn did her best to motion for Ali to join her in the bed. Without hesitation Ali curled into her wife’s side, welcoming the warmth she gained. “I love you Alexandra. And I’m not going anywhere, no matter what we decide.” 

 

When Alex and Tobin came back in the morning the found their friends huddled together, asleep. They quickly woke Ali to give her some coffee. It was clear things had been cleared up and Ali told them they were better. Ashlyn woke up a little while later and they had a decision to make. 

 

     “What do we want to do?” Ashlyn asked with a serious tone. She knew it would be a hard choice and would be very hard on Ali. “What do you want to do Al?"

 

     “Like I said I don’t want to lose you Ash.” Ali began, and Ashlyn dreaded where this was going but would support her wife’s decision. Ali just wanted to get out what she had to say. “But I don’t think I can be responsible for you not getting better or getting your life back.” 

 

They told the doctors to sign her up for the surgery and she was set for that afternoon. They family was left to wait for the hour in nervous anticipation. As the time came they began to say some goodbyes. Ashlyn held Ryan for a few minutes and kissed his head, whispering her love, before Alex and Tobin left with him. 

 

     “I need you to hold this for me for a little while.” Ashlyn motioned to her wedding ring. Ali took it and kissed the now ringless finger, memorizing the feeling of her skin. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

 

     “You better not try anything in there. We need you too much.” Ali whispered. Soon the surgeons made their presence known and they knew it was time. “Ashlyn Harris I love you so much. You better come back to me.” 

 

     “Kiss me.” Soft lips met the soldier’s and she looked lovingly into her eyes as they started to take her away. “I love you more babe. I’ll see you in a while.” 

 

Minutes felt like hours, hours felt like days. Ali couldn’t take the wait. She stared at the doors to the surgical hallway, waiting to see the doctors. She wouldn’t leave her spot when people tried to get her to do something. She had to stay there. She had to know that she wasn’t going to be alone. 

 


	7. Chapter 7

     “Why hasn’t she woken up yet?” Ali asked for what seemed like the millionth time as Dr. Shepard checked over her wife. “It’s been two days since the surgery. Can’t we sit her up to try and wake her?"

 

     “I know it seems like forever, but you have to give her body time to heal.” He couldn’t imagine Ali’s predicament and knew she needed to see her wife’s eyes open. “She has to be flat for at least a week and we’ll have to evaluate her when she wakes. I’m sorry but we just have to give her time."

 

Ali was going crazy waiting and everyone knew it. She hadn’t left Ashlyn’s bedside for days. The surgery had been a success, Ashlyn just hadn’t woken up yet. If this is what life was going to be like, Ali wasn’t so sure she would be able to do it. 

 

     “Hey Al why don’t we go back to the hotel for a little while and you can get a shower and hang out with Ryan.” Alex suggested. She knew some fresh air would be good. “Just for a few hours and Tobin can stay here with Ash."

 

     “I can’t leave her.” Ali traced her fingers over Ashlyn’s jawline. “I’m sorry.” 

 

     “Ali you need to get out for a bit and Ryan really needs you.” Tobin cut in. “Besides Ryan is out of full bottles of milk and I’m pretty sure you are the only woman who can take care of that."

 

A smile came to Ali’s face and she finally agreed to go with Alex and Ryan. She took a quick shower and then fed Ryan and filled some of the empty bottles. She and Alex stopped to get some dinner before heading back to the hospital. They found Tobin reading a book and Ashlyn still unconscious. 

 

They all sat around enjoying their food and telling stories. Every so often someone would include the woman in the conversation, hoping to get a response but it was still to no avail. So they spent the rest of the evening waiting. Eventually Tobin and Alex took a walk with Ryan and Ali was left with her wife.

 

     “Ashlyn,” Ali brushed her fingers through the blonde’s hair as tears came to her eyes. She laid her head on the soldier’s forehead, begging her to wake. “Baby please wake up, please. You give me so much joy and life and I can’t live without you. You can’t die. We aren’t finished yet. I’m not finished loving you. Please Ashlyn.” 

 

     “Ali” There was a faint whisper that came from the soldier’s mouth. Alex and Tobin had just come back and saw Ali looking down in shock. Tobin ran to get the doctor. Ashlyn soon opened her eyes, seeing Ali with tears streaming down her cheeks. Ashlyn tried to speak, but she was struggling. 

 

     “Shh, Shh don’t try to talk yet.” Ali tried to calm Ashlyn down. “The doctor will be here in a sec.” 

 

     “You won’t lose me, Alex.” Ashlyn managed and Ali kept crying. “Because I’m not finished either. I will never be finished loving you."

 

Dr. Shepard came running into the room moment later, followed by Tobin and Dr. Hunt. He checked his patient’s eyes and responses. “Captain Harris can you hear me? Do you know where you are?"

 

     “Yes.” She barely rasped out. “Ashlyn Harris. Hospital."

 

     “Very good. We are glad to finally have you back with us, Captain.” He went on to check her hands and feet, and was happy to see some movement. “Can you tell me how you feel?"

 

     “I feel like I can’t move, but it feels different, like more of a dull ache.” Ashlyn tried to put into words what she was feeling. “Can I please sit up."

 

     “No I’m sorry but we need to keep you flat for about a week. You are still being kept in your neck and back brace, but it looks like the surgery was a success.” He knew the next steps would be interesting. “So when we placed the bracket, I put in a stimulation device to get the nerves firing again. Now that you’re awake I’d like to start doing that so we can get your muscles moving soon. I have to say, this is where the pain will really begin."

 

     “Whatever it is I can take it.” Ashlyn tried to sound as strong as she could. “When do we start?” 

 

     “We will start now.” He got what he needed to stimulate the device in her back. “We’ll start with a high setting because it’s been so long since they fired. You’ll go for two minutes every hour and gradually increase it. Once your nerves really start to fire again, it will feel almost like we are shocking you."

 

     “I hear you Dr. Shepard, but I can take it.” Ashlyn just wanted to get started. “Now let’s do it.” 

 

During the first two minutes Ashlyn didn’t feel much and they were left until the next hour. Ali kissed her wife and stayed by her side the whole time. They talked about the days since Ashlyn’s surgery and the soldier apologized for scaring them. The rest of the night was spent with Ali beside Ashlyn as they tried to sleep between the sessions. 

 

By morning Ashlyn could definitely feel it, but she kept it to herself. As the days passed and the sessions got longer and more intense, Ashlyn had a hard time fighting the pain. She was getting snappier with Ali and the staff and she wasn’t sleeping. 

 

     “Captain Harris,” Ali had started stepping out of the room during those minutes so Dr. Hunt went to see her. Ashlyn was fighting the tears and tried to ignore the doctor. “Listen I know this is hard and you are in a lot of pain, but you can’t take this out on Ali. This is where your new fight begins and you have to let her help you."

 

     “I don’t think I can do it.” She said through her pain. She tried to grip the doctor’s hand for support. “This is too much."

 

     “That’s why you have to let her in.” He took her hand in his and wiped the sweat from her forehead. The device stopped and she was left to recover. “Ali wants to be there for you and I know you don’t want to be a burden, but you should take it."

 

Ali came back a few minutes later and the two were alone in the room. Ali wiped Ashlyn’s tears and helped her calm down. She took Ash’s hand and placed a gentle kiss on her palm. “I don’t want to be someone you have to take care of all the time."

 

     “But you’re not Ash. When I married you I promised to be with you in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” Ali spoke with such love in her voice. “Now, you are not dead, just a little sick, but you are on the mend. You are going to get better and I am going to be here every step of the way."

 

     “I love you Alexandra.” Ashlyn welcomed the long kiss from her wife. They spent the next two days by each other, until it was time for them to sit Ashlyn up. 

 

     “Okay here we go.” Dr. Shepard got Ashlyn’s bed sitting up and looked over her. He did notice that her breaths were short wheezes even with the ventilator. “Ashlyn how is your breathing?"

 

     “I think my chest hurts.” She admitted, although it was difficult to tell with the paralysis. Ali was worried at what she was hearing. “It’s weird with the tube, but it definitely feels different than it used to."

 

     “Alright it’s possible that you have a chest infection so we will start you on some antibiotics to take care of that.” They all breathed with some relief and then it was time to check her responses. “You ready to move those arms and legs."

 

Ali was amazed as she watched Ashlyn move. It wasn’t much more than she could before the surgery, but this time it was just the beginning and with time she would hopefully recover fully. They spent another week in the hospital so Ashlyn’s nerves could regenerate more and the lung infection could clear, then they were released to go home to D.C.

 

“Thank you so much for everything Dr. Shepard, Dr. Hunt.” Ashlyn shook their hands as best she could. Ali thanked them as well and they were ready to go. “I am forever grateful for the two of you."

 

     “Let’s go home babe.” Ali carried Ryan as they followed Ashlyn to the car that would take them to the airport to get the home. It was a long day of travel, but no one seemed to mind because they were going home more as a family and things would only get better. 

 

Ashlyn slept the entire plane ride home and when they landed Tobin managed to get her in her chair without really waking her. Ali and Alex couldn’t help but laugh at like Ashlyn it was for her to be so asleep. The family got their luggage and got in their car to go home. 

 

When they finally go in the house, Ali was holding Ryan so Alex tried to wake the sleeping woman, with no luck. Ali smile and leaned forward, careful not to squish the baby. She gently kissed her soldier and waited for her to respond to the kiss. “Wake up sleepy head.” 

 

     “Ash why don’t you let Tobin take you to your room so you can lay down for a while.” The soldier could barley keep her eyes open so they took it as a yes. “Thank you Tobin."

 

     “God I love that woman.” Ashlyn said in her state of sleep. “I am so lucky."

 

     “You sure are.” Tobin responded. The lieutenant got her captain into her bed and situated with all her equipment. “You definitely got a keeper.” 

 

     “So did you Tobs.” Ashlyn whispered. “We got the two best women in the world."

 

All Tobin could do was smile as she thought of the love she had for her wife and the love their friends shared. “I can’t argue with that, Cap."

 


End file.
